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We had a really fun life together.
We had two kids.
My husband was an elder;
I served as a pioneer.
We were just the fun family
in the congregation.
And then one day he just very suddenly,
very unexpectedly, passed away.
Within minutes, I was suddenly a widow.
And I hated that word.
It felt weak.
I had taken so much joy
in being a wife supporting the congregation.
When you go from that to all of a sudden
(just all of a sudden)
you’re the one really in need
and you can’t even remember
(can’t even remember)
how to take care of yourself physically—
I didn’t know who I was anymore.
I just felt kind of like a nobody.
Probably the number one thing
that helped me overcome those feelings
was my support group of my friends.
Being able to text a friend and say,
“I’m—I’m sad today.”
They’ll say, “What do you need?”
I’ll say: “I don’t know.
I just need to complain that I’m sad.”
“OK, I’m here.
I’m listening to you.”
Let the friends help you.
Be raw and honest and open.
Be vulnerable.
It’s OK.
We’re all in this together.
Go to the elders.
Tell them what you’re going through.
Don’t feel like you’re a burden.
Let them pray with you.
It’s so healing.
The other thing that has really helped
is Nehemiah, when he said:
“The joy of Jehovah is your stronghold.”
I say that to myself almost every day:
“The joy [the joy] of Jehovah.”
I knew I had to get my joy back.
I had to find joy
because that was going to be my strength.
I wasn’t just going to feel good;
it was going to be my strength.
I signed up to pioneer again
a few months after he passed away.
And that was the anchor for me.
That was the thing that gave me
purpose and rhythm to my week.
It gave me a reason
to get out of bed in the morning.
Getting to share my hope with others
really, really helped me to stay focused on
what’s important,
the big picture, what matters.
And you’ve got to be at the Kingdom Hall
and worship with your friends,
even if you know you’re going to cry
through the meeting or cry through the songs.
It’s OK.
It’s OK.
It’s OK to be that person for a little while.
It pays off; it really does.
It will bond you
to your congregation and to Jehovah.
And then the other thing that has helped me
is the way that Jehovah has answered prayers.
Whew!
That’s what gets me the most emotional.
Because when you say a prayer
and you’re desperately in need of something
and you don’t even tell anyone what it is
and suddenly Jehovah provides it,
it’s unmistakable.
I remember one night
I was thinking about my marriage.
And I was thinking about how you’ve got
all these parts of a marriage
that are obvious to everyone else,
but you’ve got all the little intimate things
that you have with your spouse
—all the little funny stories,
little inside jokes,
our first little apartment
that no one had ever seen.
I was thinking of all these things.
And I was, like, ‘Oh, the only other person
with those memories is gone.’
And then all of a sudden, it dawned on me
that Jehovah has all those memories.
And I just gripped on to Jehovah.
I physically—
I think I was clutched to my pillow.
I just felt like a little kid
wrapped around Jehovah’s leg,
and I just was gripped on to him.
He’s the only one
that still has all these memories,
and he cherishes them.
Actually, he remembers them better than I do.
So, yeah, he’s the one that’s going to put
all those memories back into my husband.
In time, I realized
that Jehovah’s view of widows
is completely different
than the world’s view of widows.
Jehovah set up rules in Israel
for how to treat widows.
What that all says to me
is that Jehovah has got me.
The word “widow” wasn’t ugly to me anymore.
Now I realized
I’m in a special—I’m in a special place
in Jehovah’s arms.
Jehovah is personally taking care of me.
I’m going to get through this trial.

Holly Wood: Rediscovering Joy and Purpose After Losing a Spouse